August 14th, 2007

August 14th---Sanger Grandma's Birthday

Though she died in 2000, I still remember her on her birthday. My dad took my Aunt Hope out to the cemetery today. My aunt goes there each year on Grandma's birthday.
A friend of ours was just buried in the same cemetery in Centerville. She was only 31. Too young. Brought out the deep fear in me, of dying while my children are young. Our friend left behind 2 children, around 7 & 10 years old. That just totally sucks! Now the dad not only has to continue to provide for his family but has to be the full time single parent and has to help his kids understand why mom is not there anymore and help them to not turn from God, but to continue to love and trust God, as their mom taught them. All the while, he does his own grieving and questioning. There have been too many deaths like this in the last couple of years. Too many spouses left behind, and way too many children left without mommies and daddies!!

I hate that! It puts a fear in me that at times can control everything I do, or don't do. There have been times where the fear has been so intense that it has just immobilized me.
It is bad enough to get sick and spend a few days in the hospital...out of control of anything going on in your life, other people caring for your children, putting them to bed, reading them stories, getting frustrated with them, taking them to their activities....all great helps, but all things I should be doing because I am the MOM! Those are MY perks!

My sister-n-law had reconstructive surgery on her pelvic area. She fractured her pelvis in a bike racing accident. Her experience has been horrific, as told to me by my spouse and mom-n-law. So much pain! And she has been away from her boys! They have been cared for by their loving grandparents and have visited their mom, though I don't know how much, But it's not MOM!

So we went to McD- for dinner with the nephews and Jim's parents. They all ran around, hollering and giggling, as they should. Finn making sure Reed got through the tunnel OK, Isaac taking a few tumbles but jumping up and getting back in there. (stupid big kids) Naissa making friends with the other girls. Us adults not being able to talk because we couldn't hear each other over all the kids screaming!

It was good to let the cousins play. I wish they played more often. I didn't have close cousins. My mom was an only child and my dad's siblings were 10 and 20 years older so all my cousins were closer to my parents age. (tiny violin playing in the background)

Isaac is dozing off right here as I type. When he closes his eyes you can see the big purple bruising on his eyelid. An accident from church. We didn't know about it for a couple of hours because his hair is always in his face, so it covered up the gigantic goose egg that took over his right eyelid and brow!

I'm totally bummed that school starts next week. 4 out of 5 of our kids will be in school! They each have a different schedule too....Thanks CUSD! It will just be Isaac and me....walking back and forth to the bus stop and the elementary school dropping off and picking up the others!

All I know is I put it all in God's hands, and He sees the bigger picture, all the things that I can't see. So I will trust Him in this crazy schedule we're going to have.

If this is found and read by anybody....pray for my sister-n-law Tracy!!!