When it rains.....

Well, today is Thursday and we are still waiting to hear if my husband will have a job after tomorrow.

It's actually raining outside. The weatherman said it would be something like 105 today and yet it's raining! This is Mississippi and Florida weather! Yuck! The kids are happy because they get to wear shorts and carry their super cool umbrellas with Batman and Ariel (Little Mermaid) on them. The older kids said they'd just tough it out! lol!

I kinda like the sound the rain is making on our little sky-light. What I don't like is that I have to walk to the school in the rain. The parking lot is almost closer to our house than the classrooms, so it's really not worth messing with car seats and traffic. Then again, it's a welcome change in the weather we've had lately. I come home everyday sweating like crazy from standing and walking in the heat at school. Plus the kids can use their umbrellas.

It's also a nice distraction from the unpleasant and stressful thoughts of my husband not having a job and losing our health insurance, once again. I know patience is something we should be learning and getting better at as we get older, BUT....I hate waiting! I hate not knowing. I hate when things are unsettled.

Another nice distraction is we got our hotel and tickets to Disneyland for November. My parents have taken us on vacation every year, usually at Christmas. Most of the time we go to Disneyland. A couple of times we've gone to Sea World and Legoland. Last year we went to Arizona and saw the Grand Canyon and went on the Polar Express. Good times!
So this year it's Disneyland again, but in November! We will have Brunch with the characters, which is always fun to see how the kids interact with them at different ages. I hope they have it all decked out for the holidays. I love Disneyland at Christmas time.

Well, it's time to get ready for school, we won't be late today. lol!

The Cracker

I sure hope that age 5 is a magical age for my daughter. I hope she begins to outgrow some of her creatively destructive ways. I want her to maintain the creativity but lose the destructiveness. Maybe if it was in a controlled environment it wouldn't be so bad, but we are living no where near a controlled environment. Chaos is the word that comes to mind.

Last night I was walking down the hall and I glanced into the bathroom and saw something blue on the toilet seat and lid. I kept walking because I was afraid I'd forget what I had set out to do in the first place. On my way back I stopped in to see what the blue was....it was toothpaste! The brand new toothpaste, of course! Someone had squirted it out all over the toilet seat and lid. As I looked around for evidence to convict the guilty party, I noticed there was toothpaste on the toilet paper roll, the top of the toilet, on the shelf above the toilet in more than one spot, on a Clean & New diaper that was on the counter, as well as swirled around in the sink. For whatever reason I lifted the toilet lid and found toothpaste at the bottom, beginning to swell.

I could tell this was the work of my almost 5 year old. The height and positions of the crimes were a dead give away. My youngest son is not yet that good at squirting out the toothpaste. The older kids were accounted for and had alibi's during "the act". But I still called them all in for questioning. My daughter, the one I knew was guilty, would not confess. No matter how much I manipulated, sweet talked or calmed my voice she would not give it up. She even agreed that I should punish her younger brother for the crime. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she cracked! She confessed! She said in a frantic high pitched voice, "Okay, I did it. I squirted toothpaste all over. I'm really sorry"

And that is why they call me "The Cracker"!!

Crush

I'm feeling calmer now that it's been several hours and I've had many distractions.

We took Crush (the turtle) outside for a walk in the backyard. The sprinklers had been on so it wasn't as hot. He has been in a plastic tub for over a month now, due to moving and such. So he stretched out his back feet, as though he were going to stop and bask right where we put him. But he heard the cars go by and he started across the lawn. At first he moved as we expected, nice and slow. I started recording him on the camera and moved in to get a closer view, Crush started walking/crawling faster. After a couple of seconds he was tearing across the lawn, My video is a bit jumpy because I was laughing so hard. He must've smelled freedom. I don't think he knew what was on the other side of the fence, what danger was only 10 feet away. I just know he was very interested in what was on the other side. A car went by and he turned and crawled in the direction the car was going. Did he feel some kind of vibrations in the ground or something. I don't know. I just know that Crush is supposed to be my son's turtle yet I am usually the one to change the water and feed him. He pops his head out of his shell when I say his name (most of the time). It is interesting to watch him each day, as he sheds his "scutes" as one book called them, it's the skin on his shell, the plates. It's much like our fingernails. He loses them one "scute" at a time, not like a snake who sheds all his skin at once. Crush seems to always have a piece that's just waiting to come off. It moves around on his back until it finally breaks free and sinks to the bottom of the tank (or plastic container).

We celebrated my husband's birthday as well as my youngest daughter's birthday tonight. Just the grandparents came over. We've already had parties with friends and family but it just didn't seem right to not do SOMETHING.

frustration with the lady in the office

I hate rude, non-personable people and I don't think they should be allowed to work in schools and especially not in the front office where there should always be a helpful face to assist those in need. It's the second week of school and I forgot that my kindergartner had to be at school an hour earlier because it was Wednesday. So I took her to school at the regular time and passed another mom who expressed her guilt at forgetting it was early release and how her daughter was supposed to be there an hour ago. I was completely shocked that I would forget! I even have it written on the big wipe off board in the kitchen! The teachers were understanding, and tried to make me feel better by telling me how they've had many parents forget. But then when I went into the office to get a special piece of paper, to allow my daughter to go to class (LAME), the lady in the office was rude. Her body language as well as her tone of voice hinted that I was REALLY an inconvenience to her and when I joked about needing the form for mother of the year, she gave me a sarcastic "MmHmm." No eye contact at all. Where is the friendly, welcoming smile that greeted me and all others who entered into the Weldon, Dry Creek and Alta Sierra offices?? This was my second experience with Tarpey office staff, being LESS than helpful.

I went in to inquire how to change the information that was entered incorrectly into the computer data base. The lady who huffed when she had to stop copying papers and ask me what I needed, gruffly told me that there would be a card coming home and I could change it there. I did just what she said and at Back to School Night there was a form on my son's desk that we were to check the information to see if it was all correct. The problem had not been corrected. The form still listed me as Step Parent and my mom as Mother to my 4th grade son. It was correct for my Kindergartner, my 7th grader and my 12th grader. Gee Thanks Lady in the office!

Sometimes writing calms my intense emotions and helps me to move beyond the frustration that I feel. So far nothing has changed, just like the form at Tarpey. So I will try later.

Praise Him anyway

The Whys of CUSD hair and shorts policies seem somewhat trivial when laid next to the possibility of my husband being laid off this week. The program he works in is ending. He's been told they want him on a different program, but that program has yet to start. What does he do in the mean time? We are making our first house payment on the 1st. What about health insurance? and the stupidly expensive cell phone they had him get and said they'd pay for each month? What about the vacation that was just booked this morning? Not to mention the other gazillion bills we have.

God is in control, I know that, it just doesn't feel like it. But we choose to praise Him anyway! Praise Him in the storm, as Casting Crowns sings about. He's there. I just have this glitch in me that for whatever reason, needs to figure out the details, I like to know the whys and hows of things, I like to know the plan. I don't like to be caught off guard, as I was today. I don't like to not feel in control.

Monday already

Oh man, is it Monday again? What happened to my weekend? This is now the second week of school. This is when the work starts. Last week was spent finding classrooms, meeting teachers and just gathering the numerous supplies that each teacher said were "must haves".

I'm about to put up a stink! My 7th grade daughter has to have a 6 inch ruler, not a 12 inch ruler, a soft white eraser, not a pink or colorful eraser, a 2 inch binder for almost every class, not a 1 1/2 inch!! College ruled paper, scientific calculator, drum sticks, mallets and practice pad, Mechanical pencils, not regular pencils, and lots of them, dividers and book covers, science journals, PE clothes, locks for lockers, lunch, money for pictures, yearbook, PTC, Band and it's only been a week! It's making me crazy! How many 2 inch binders do they think these kids can fit in their backpacks?? Plus, we already have 1 inch and 1 1/2 inch binders she could use...but NOOOOO!! Stupid CUSD!

I keep asking myself WHY? Why do they have so many nit-picking rules? My son had to cut his hair, again, because it went below his earlobe and touched his collar. The other rule that ticks my ticker has to do with wearing shorts. You are only allowed to wear shorts to school between day light savings time in the spring until day light savings time in the fall. It doesn't matter if it's 100 degrees after that, you can't wear shorts to school. The bigger WHY question I ask is WHY do we do this? Why do we want to attend these schools? Am I the ONLY one who gets ticked off at these ridiculous rules? I'm the first to admit that I have issues with authority, I cannot stand being or feeling controlled by stupid people. I know that not all the CUSD people are stupid, this is just me ranting and raving but really, how much of a distraction is one inch of hair? I doubt that all the kids in my son's class are going to stop listening to the teacher and stare at my son's hair because they can't see his earlobe! I also think that the parents and students should be able to make the decision to wear shorts or not. If a kid wants to wear shorts to school and it's 52 degrees outside, they will probably decide to wear pants the next day. Most parents don't let their kids go to school dressed inappropriately....I'm talking elementary school here.
But then again...there must be something about these rules because the school district is one of the very best! They still have their music and sports and drama clubs and teams. They still have their teachers and their programs. They must be doing something right, but does it really have anything to do with hair and shorts?

I think I feel better now. Venting usually helps.

stuck

the mess. i can't stand it
torn between earthly treasures and freedom
can't seem to step towards the obvious
i feel stuck
depressed to some degree
need to be like the pilgrims and leave our "stuff" behind
and keep moving forward toward freedom

hard to let go...still

Creatively Destructive

My "Creatively Destructive" daughter has struck again. This would not be the first time this week. A couple days ago she got into her sister's make-up bag and squeezed out the toothpaste onto the carpet. There was also a bottle of lotion laying on the bottom bunk, still dripping lotion down the mattress and onto the floor, close to the toothpaste. She twisted her sister's chapstick all the way up and broke it off, and did something similar to her deodorant. The lids were off the other bottles of shampoo and such. Earlier that day she took a RED crayon and drew a square, triangle and circle on our newly painted bedroom door.

Today she found a marker, in one of the gazillion unpacked boxes, and wrote all over the magnets on the fridge as well as the fridge itself!! You couldn't see the marker on the fridge except at certain angles, but when you opened the door, the marker came off on your hand.

She has the curiosity of a cat and an attitude of a hormonal teenager! She will be FIVE in 12 days!

The other night I asked her if she would remove her toys from the little pool so I could dump the water out. She looked at me and tilted her head to the side and replied, "If you pay me a dollar"!! Sweet Niblets! What's she going to be like when she IS a hormonal teenager??

The good thing is that she saves most of her ornery behavior for her parents! Her preschool and Sunday School teachers tell me she is actually very quiet in class, she follows directions and is a joy to have in class! Thank God!

I Hate You

Why does he keep yelling that? Does he even know what he's saying? Does he understand at all? Even though he's only 3, those words still hurt. Maybe they hurt more because he's 3. I think he's heard his siblings say those words. They can be quite mean when they want to. Especially the 12 and almost 10 year olds. They fight over everything. Mean words, tight fists, clenched teeth, their attitudes fill the room and overflow onto those poor unfortunate souls that happen to be under the same roof! ! Will they ever be friends again like when they were little? The almost 10 year old used to sleep on the floor outside the 12 year olds bedroom when they were little and first had their own rooms. Will the 5 and 3 year olds follow in their hateful little footsteps?

I just want to scream SHUT UP!!!! but I am afraid that won't be all I say.

August 14th, 2007

August 14th---Sanger Grandma's Birthday

Though she died in 2000, I still remember her on her birthday. My dad took my Aunt Hope out to the cemetery today. My aunt goes there each year on Grandma's birthday.
A friend of ours was just buried in the same cemetery in Centerville. She was only 31. Too young. Brought out the deep fear in me, of dying while my children are young. Our friend left behind 2 children, around 7 & 10 years old. That just totally sucks! Now the dad not only has to continue to provide for his family but has to be the full time single parent and has to help his kids understand why mom is not there anymore and help them to not turn from God, but to continue to love and trust God, as their mom taught them. All the while, he does his own grieving and questioning. There have been too many deaths like this in the last couple of years. Too many spouses left behind, and way too many children left without mommies and daddies!!

I hate that! It puts a fear in me that at times can control everything I do, or don't do. There have been times where the fear has been so intense that it has just immobilized me.
It is bad enough to get sick and spend a few days in the hospital...out of control of anything going on in your life, other people caring for your children, putting them to bed, reading them stories, getting frustrated with them, taking them to their activities....all great helps, but all things I should be doing because I am the MOM! Those are MY perks!

My sister-n-law had reconstructive surgery on her pelvic area. She fractured her pelvis in a bike racing accident. Her experience has been horrific, as told to me by my spouse and mom-n-law. So much pain! And she has been away from her boys! They have been cared for by their loving grandparents and have visited their mom, though I don't know how much, But it's not MOM!

So we went to McD- for dinner with the nephews and Jim's parents. They all ran around, hollering and giggling, as they should. Finn making sure Reed got through the tunnel OK, Isaac taking a few tumbles but jumping up and getting back in there. (stupid big kids) Naissa making friends with the other girls. Us adults not being able to talk because we couldn't hear each other over all the kids screaming!

It was good to let the cousins play. I wish they played more often. I didn't have close cousins. My mom was an only child and my dad's siblings were 10 and 20 years older so all my cousins were closer to my parents age. (tiny violin playing in the background)

Isaac is dozing off right here as I type. When he closes his eyes you can see the big purple bruising on his eyelid. An accident from church. We didn't know about it for a couple of hours because his hair is always in his face, so it covered up the gigantic goose egg that took over his right eyelid and brow!

I'm totally bummed that school starts next week. 4 out of 5 of our kids will be in school! They each have a different schedule too....Thanks CUSD! It will just be Isaac and me....walking back and forth to the bus stop and the elementary school dropping off and picking up the others!

All I know is I put it all in God's hands, and He sees the bigger picture, all the things that I can't see. So I will trust Him in this crazy schedule we're going to have.

If this is found and read by anybody....pray for my sister-n-law Tracy!!!

the first

The first blog is always the hardest.