These Eclectic Thoughts of Mine

I am trying to focus on the positive, or at least those things that make me smile and not scream or cry! It doesn't come easy to an Eeyore personality like myself. I try to play the "Glad" game on a weekly basis, to counter my "woe is me" attitude. I have to say I haven't always been an Eeyore. I don't remember having a gloomy 'tude as a child. Only after many heartaches in my life have I become this way. There is a saying I heard from my brother several years ago that comes to mind whenever NOTHING seems to be going right or how I think it should......(WARNING: Bad Language To Follow)

"Life's a bitch, then you step in shit"

I guess it's just a crude way of saying, "when it rains, it pours" but when I'm feeling like Alfalfa, like the sky has opened up and God has looked down and said I hate you....then it makes me feel better to use the bad language. It seems to touch on my deeper emotions. I identify more with dog poo on your foot than rain on your umbrella.

For whatever reason, I am having more trouble getting over things at this time in my life. I have a new set of OVER USED WORDS. No longer is it, "that's funny" now I'm heard saying, "OF COURSE". I've had a lot of practice with sarcasm.

OF COURSE Jim was laid off, we just bought our first house

OF COURSE we lost our health insurance and our kids were put on medi-cal

OF COURSE we are several months behind on everything

OF COURSE Jim's contractor's license is taking the full 8 weeks and maybe more due to a misunderstanding about fingerprinting and a background check

OF COURSE I live in a PIGSTY....we're PIGS

OF COURSE my favorite cat was killed, he brought me much joy

OF COURSE after buying a white tux shirt they have to have a black one too (and w/o notice)

OF COURSE Isaac got bit by a dog and got stitches in his face on Christmas Eve

OF COURSE we are now getting bills for over $1300 for it

OF COURSE I was pulled over by a cop (1st time) and blinded by his flood light and had blurry blotchy vision for 15 minutes afterwards but still had to finish driving home.......because my brake light was out

OF COURSE Jim was sleeping in the passenger seat during all of it

OF COURSE Jim's car starts leaking, needs smogged and tags are due

OF COURSE I woke up WET w/a child in my bed, because it was time to change the sheets anyway

OF COURSE we have time to go to the Zoo, since our card expired last August

OF COURSE Isaac pooped in his underwear....we only told him to PEE in the toilet!!!

OF COURSE Minnie Pearl goes under the house through a hole in the wall (where Jim is working on the tub) because she just had surgery and isn't supposed to go outside for 3 days and it's only been ONE day.

OF COURSE I am the one who stays up and tries to coax her out until 2am

OF COURSE Minnie Pearl eats/chews/tears up paper....but not any ol' paper....just the important ones that need to be turned in to other people (She also bites holes in book pages)

OF COURSE Isaac is still up right now at 3am because he slept earlier ( I think Zack is up too)

OF COURSE I have developed a sarcastic sense of humor....I expect the worse so that the outcome is always better and I won't be disappointed

OF COURSE I would express myself to Jim "about" God and my questions Why and Why Not's and the radio would play a song that not only answered some of them but gave me a peace

OF COURSE My GOD is big enough to handle every detail of my life

OF COURSE I freely express myself here, the good the bad and the ugly

OF COURSE these are only a few pieces of "poo" I have on my shoe

OKAY. ENOUGH. I'M MOVING ON.

I AM glad the sun is coming out, though I hate being hot! I love Autumn most. I like Spring but I have allergies that can make it miserable. Summer is too hot. Winter too cold and gloomy. Autumn is like baby bear's porridge....JUST RIGHT! I am looking forward to planting my garden in a couple weeks. I'm thinking of having a yard sale so I can buy flowers and fruits and vegetables(to plant and grow). I need to declutter even more. It's hard.

My new motto: WWPD?

What would Pollyanna do? (or say)

Like I said, I play the "Glad" game quite often. I tend to go straight for the negative, the downer, the worst part and then I move up from there...shooting for the positive, the happy, good part. It's not always easy, like Pollyanna, sometimes I have to really stretch to come up with something.

So I go through my lists....

Jim getting laid off = Now he can start his own business like he really wants to do

Having NO money = Has helped us to know the difference between needs and wants (see....that's like saying the good thing about Sunday is that you have 7 more days till it comes 'round again) It's also given us an opportunity to be on the receiving end and allow others to bless us (which blesses everybody) (go figure)

I'd like to say we've become more dependent on God to meet our needs but I'd be partially lying. The reason we are dependent is because we have had no other choice. It has not been easy to "wait and see" what, how and when God's gonna come through for us.

Where does is say that He even will? That has been my question for months now. I believe God is able to do great and mighty things. I know He can help us in our times of need. BUT Will He? Will He allow us to lose our house? Will our kids not get swim lessons ?Will they not get to be in band? Will they not be able to get braces? Will they be made fun of by their peers because they don't have "cool" clothes? Will He allow what I consider "bad" things to happen so that we learn something else? Is it about learning at all?
It rains on the good and the bad, I know. Because of the fall we've got sin, we live in an imperfect world. But why does everything seem so lopsided? Is it because we are the only ones talking about it? Admitting it? It's not easy, I fear rejection. But I can't lie and say I can afford to do things that I can't. Why does everything seem to come down to money? Why is it said that money can't buy happiness but the lack of it can make you miserable? I don't want my life to be about money. (or lack of it) I don't want my life to be about cleaning up the clutter we live in, every waking moment of my life, that I'm not worrying about money. How did I get here?

Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing". I want adventure. I love adventure. I am the thrill seeker in the family. I love roller coasters, the bigger the drop the better! I went sky diving! Awesome, except for the endless knots in my hair afterwards. I felt the most free while riding the bumps on my friends quad. I long to ride again. "For once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward. For there you have been and there you will long to return" - Leonardo Da Vinci

I don't know why I complain as much as I do about the roller coaster which is known as my life. "I happen to like the roller coaster" (Parenthood)

Beth Moore says "Our souls are fitted for excitement and intrigue and though we sometimes scream and shut our eyes, we will one day get off the roller coaster and shout, "What A Ride!" We were created in the image of God. By Him. For Him. Too much comfort too long bores a God fashioned soul. Questions are good. They leave lots of space for God to fill in the blanks far beyond our imaginations. What we see with our eyes and understand with our minds is never the only thing God has going." I wouldn't say I'm living in "Comfort" it's more like boredom. Tired of the same ol' same ol'.

How can I feel so lost and out of sorts and then when a song comes on the radio, like "You are God alone" and it's like the light has been turned on and I can see my way again. My anxiety is instantly calmed in a way I cannot explain.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13

"To live will be an awfully big adventure" (Peter Pan)

"Just enjoy the Ozzy and keep your mouth shut" (SNL)

Have a nice day!

"Thanks for noticing me!" - eeyore