Proud moment (yes, I'm being sarcastic!! And I know some of your kids say sh** too so Back Off!)

Ice - "Mom, is sh** a bad word?"

Me - "Yes, it is."

Ice - "I won't say sh** K mom, cuz sh** is a bad word"

Me - "Okay, but you're saying it...don't say it"

Ice - "Sh** is a bad word, I won't say sh** cuz it's bad huh mom?"

Me - "Okay Isaac, don't say it"

A moment of silence.

Ice - "I won't flip you off eeder mom" (not a typo...and he said it with his middle finger up)

Me - "Why don't you use your pointer finger instead" (I show him how)

Ice - "Like that mom?"

Me - "Yes much better"

Ice - "Sh** is a bad word"

Me - BIG SIGH.........

Colors of my day

Is RED the color for STRESS? I know it is sometimes used to express ANGER. Either way it is appropriate for my emotions today. RED or maybe BLACK....that feels right too. Of course there's always the BLUE in DEPRESSION. Though I think that comes back to ANGER turned inward......some of those "experts" say. RED would also describe our FINANCES...which are causing the STRESS and the DEPRESSION.

Would that make BROWN the color of MESSES? The other cause of my STRESS and DEPRESSION. Or GREEN the color of my GRUMPY mood...because GREEN is the color of Oscar the Grouch.

BLACK would also be for DEATH....because that is the sentence I have given these FLIES who are harassing me in my house!!

I pull out the Depeche Mode....Black Celebration...and enjoy the escape!

Thanksgiving is a comin'

Leesha

Yesterday was Leesha's 18th birthday! Tonight was senior night at the BHS football game. I got to walk with Leesha in front of the crowd and be given a rose and take a picture with her in front of the big Bears Helmet car. The band director was in the picture too. Seems funny to celebrate senior night in November, with 6 1/2 months to go till graduation. But that's OK, because I got a "moment". It was just me and her down there......well, and the other 38 seniors in the band and their parents....but I mean...it was just me...not Jim, not my parents or my brother, no other kids....just ME! :)
I feel old, though I was probably one of the youngest mom's down there tonight.

18 years ago....(the condensed version)

So Leesha is 18 today! We had a mini family party at my parents. Her boyfriend Carson was there too. We ate dinner and gave her some presents and shared “Leesha” stories. I gave myself a headache from laughing so much. But it was good to laugh! I can’t believe it’s been 18 years! And yet it seems like forever ago that I was in labor with her. (*WARNING* LABOR/BIRTH STORY TO FOLLOW)
It was Halloween and my water had “sprung a leak” and I was starting to have contractions…but wasn’t sure it was the real deal because I wasn’t due for three more weeks. So I continued to answer the door to the Trick or Treaters and give them candy as I held my breath during contractions. My mom didn’t come home until 8pm or so and when she got home we headed for the hospital. Sure enough, it was the real deal. You know the tune…….hooked up to a gazillion monitors, poked and prodded, violated during contractions by one particular nurse bitch and finally given some meds to ease the pain and get a little sleep (in a chair at the end of the bed) I’ve had the same lower back pain ever since…I think there was some kind of nerve damage or something. I’ve always heard other mom’s, almost brag, at how many hours they were in labor…as if it would win them extra jewels for their crown in Heaven…but I was thinking about this today because I’ve always just counted the time I was in the hospital…not the fact that I was having painful contractions for 8-9 hours before going to the hospital. So that would mean I was in labor for 20-21 hours before having to have an emergency c-section. Crazy.
Anyway…I remember praying, “Please God I don’t wanna push…please don’t let me have to push” etc… I’m not sure I gave any thought to how else the baby would come out if I didn’t push, but then again, I was a bit distracted by the PAIN!
My body had gone into shock and I couldn’t stop shaking, they were trying to put the epidural in and I could not control my body…I kept apologizing. I remember thinking and wondering who was going to clean up all the amniotic fluid that had burst all over the floor with a nice splash. The doctor while “checking me” at one point mentioned that she felt a nose…when Leesha was born, she had a scratch on her nose!
Leesha had turned and was coming down face first…but she wasn’t going to budge…the doctor had said that was why I was having extremely painful back labor.
I had gained 66lbs and was huge! They had ordered an extra ultra sound to make sure I wasn’t having twins! It turned out to be excess amniotic fluid…though I can’t think of the term for it right now. Leesha weighed only 5lbs 15oz.
I remember someone asking me if I wanted to see my baby, but I was shaking and crying and my arms were strapped down so I think I said no I can’t… but Dr. Sanchez brought her over and held her so I could see her…she had been cleaned up thankfully…that might of scared me to see her all bloody and cheesy…. Anyway…it was hard. It was painful. I was 19 and scared…it was all uncharted territory. But she was beautiful.

Halloween

We ended up going to our church for Halloween night. The kids had fun! Jade was a gypsy, Zack wore his Tae Kwon Do gear, Naissa was Tinkerbell and Isaac wore red sweat pants, and orange baseball style shirt with a black sweater vest, on top of that he wore his Batman cape and mask...the old school version with Michael Keaton as Batman on the back of his cape. My mom found it in China Town in San Fransisco. lol!

Jade helped with one of the booths and Zack spent his time at the dunk tank...dunking the "leaders" in the church...and at the dime toss...where he tossed coins and won odd dishes and such! Naissa and Isaac made their rounds and ate cotton candy and did their share of bouncing in the bounce house. They also won those "common goldfish" as the coupon says. Oh Joy!

Distraction is good.

It's nice to be distracted. I am so used to Zeke following me around and being by my side through out my day, just like Isaac....though it does hurt a little less today. Harley, Zeke's mom has been hanging out with me. I woke up this morning with a cat on my feet and for a second forgot Zeke was gone. It was Harley. Shandee has been hanging a little closer too. I wonder if they know. I wonder if they are able to understand that he is gone forever. Or if they just see it as an opportunity to get more attention, or a better spot on the bed, or a chance to lick the last of the milk in the cereal bowl. It doesn't matter really...I'm glad for the attention they are giving me.

The kids are doing better today. I think it was good to be able to just cry and let them cry. They drew pictures, wrote about it and prayed about it too. Harley is here with me now. Sweet girl.

Last night we went to my parent's house to Trick or Treat at their house. They have 10 doors around their house and game room and they set up each door with candy. It gives the kids another place to wear their costumes...or try them out to see what is missing etc...
We had pizza and our friend Winnie brought over her grandson Stone, who came as the HULK! The kids had fun. A nice distraction.

So tomorrow the kindergartners are going trick or treating at the district office. Naissa is going to be either Tinkerbell or Jane from Tarzan...because those are the costumes we have that I don't have to think about. The 1st through 6th graders get to dress up according to their class theme. Zack came home TODAY and told us what the theme was/is......are you ready for this....The fourth graders are supposed to dress up...........in an orange or black shirt. Yes, you read that right! An Orange or Black Shirt!! They are not allowed to wear their Halloween costumes that most parents paid a small fortune for, to school. They can only dress up in the "Theme"! I have but one word.........LAME!!But I'm beginning to get the hang of LAME...at this school. I'm sure it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't come from other Clovis Schools that aren't so...LAME!!!

I still don't know what all my kids are going to wear tomorrow night. I think we are going to go to our church.....though I really have no desire to go there.

I am in one of those FUNKS, the kind where you don't want to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone, showers make you weary, you eat and feed your kids only already made/instant types of foods, having to do anything at all causes you stress...I am overwhelmed with the STUFF in our house. I've been getting rid of stuff just about everyday for the last 2 months. You'd think our house would be empty by now....but no, the kids keep un-boxing what I box up and I feel like I am giving the same stuff away all the time. (Except we've had 2 big yard sales in the last 2 months...so I know we are getting rid of stuff) I haven't been shopping in months...not even yard sales! Well, I've been to Costco twice in the last 3 months for food, TP, batteries and baby wipes. No fun stuff! And I went to Target yesterday for more non-fun items! So that doesn't really count as SHOPPING!

Well, I think I've put myself to sleep with this overly exciting blog, so I'm going to bed.

ZEKE 7/13/06 -- 10/28/07

Zeke our beloved cat, was hit by a car this evening. Jim was driving home and saw it happen. He pulled Zeke out of the street and into our yard. Jim yelled, "Kristi!!!" from outside and I thought maybe he had dumped food and needed help, I opened the door and he was hunched over on the lawn. Jim said something about being hit and I looked up and his car still had the lights on and everything....I couldn't process...I asked, "WHAT?!?!" at the same time Jim said Zeke has been hit by a car....I looked back at Jim and saw the orange fur of my beloved cat...his body barely moving...I asked..."WHAT DO WE DO?" Jim didn't know...I ran and got the phone and called my mom...."I need an emergency vet...Zeke's been hit by a car!!" After a minute on the phone...Jim came in and said that Zeke was gone. Zeke died with Jim. We all broke down...hysterical...falling to the ground crying...weeping...sobbing...Don't let him die God!...Why God? Why Zeke? To everyone else he's just a cat...but to us...he's family!


Zeke was originally named Goliath, because he was bigger than his brothers. We were there when he was born in the middle of the night, in our closet. He also had different markings than his sibs, who looked like their mom Harley. I knew right away that I would be keeping him.



Whenever anyone brought home Starbucks, Zeke was there! He even liked my sweetened black iced tea...not that he really drank it but he liked to lick the straw. He also liked to lick the cat tape roller...you know the ones you use to get cat hair OFF of your clothes and such...yes, he liked to lick and chew on those!


He slept in my bed, at my feet, curled up at my side, on my chest....in fact when I came down with pneumonia, I had woke up and thought Zeke was laying on my chest as usual...but he wasn't...I had pneumonia and couldn't breathe.


From the time he was a kitten, Zeke liked to be ON the computer...I'd turn on my laptop and Zeke would come lay on it...stretching himself out pushing keys and leaving his orange hair all over them. Most the time Zeke would curl up between me and the computer and just sleep........he should be here now!!!


The kids loved Zeke. I always thought of Zeke as Isaac's buddy...you know, like a boy and his dog (CAT)...Before Isaac could say Zeke, he called him "geek". good times. Zeke was the type of cat to let you carry him around and lay on him and pet him backwards. Zeke would walk in the room and I would say Hey Zeke and he would Meow, I would talk to him and he would respond...not that I knew what he was meowing but it was communication and I miss it terribly.

Zeke liked to chase the neighbors dog...a dog at least twice his size. Whenever Zeke was out front and the neighbors would be walking their dog, Zeke would chase him away from our yard! No Dog Poop on our lawn!! good cat! Jim would joke with the neighbors about how he put Zeke in the house, it's safe for your dog now...etc.... too funny!

I am going to miss this cat something awful. I've had many many cats in my life but I've not been attached to one such as Zeke! He was always some where cute...sleeping in a drawer or a sink, on the very top box or on my pillow. Just today he was stretched out in the boy's closet, across their clothes and shoes...content as could be. I wanted to take a picture but got distracted...

Zeke...sleeping in the dryer! Don't you just wanna snatch him up and cuddle him?

Zeke. July 13th, 2006 - October 28th, 2007

He was only 15 months old. Zeke dug his way into our hearts and has been such a part of our every day lives, he is irreplaceable...I can't believe he's gone. My heart hurts so much. The tears keep streaming down my face, my nose is raw and my eyes are swollen, my head is throbbing and my Zeke is gone. This is new...even for me, a cat lover...I can't not even fathom losing a child. I haven't cried this much except for my grandma Ruth. You would think we'd all be dehydrated with all the tears.

I'm not so sure I like living on the corner anymore. I'm thinking we need a fence around our front yard. It wouldn't of kept a cat in but a kid maybe...

What is disturbing to me is that I recently heard some preacher on the radio talking about how animals don't have souls and therefore do not go to Heaven when they die. If that is true then we will not get to see Zeke again and the pain multiplies.... Ashes to ashes and dust to dust...

It's not that there won't be animals in Heaven, the Bible says there will be, but not our pets. SO WHAT'S THE POINT???

I'd much rather believe that the God who loves his creation and who dresses the lilies finer than King Solomon and cares for the littlest sparrow would also care for Zeke and that Zeke would be with Jesus right now running across the golden streets of Heaven.
At least I cry less when I believe that.

I should be asleep but he's snoring!

I'm sitting here watching Soul Train, it's 2:45am I should be asleep...but I'm not! Jim is snoring! If I don't fall asleep before he starts in...I may never fall asleep that night! That's one reason I sleep with the TV on most nights...it drowns out the sound of the Buzz Saw! (love you Jimmy!)
The other reason I'm still up is that Zack went with my mom to Concord today, to see Leesha perform in a band show. He got to help push the pit equipment onto the field! Before the band show they went and visited Pete and Jeanne, who are now living in Berkeley in a care home. They got home around 1:30am...and I being the MOM...couldn't sleep until all my babes were safe at home! And somewhere between Zack getting home and tucking him into bed...my second wind kicked in!
So I ordered part of Leesha's birthday present online...hopefully it will get here like it says...BEFORE her birthday! I can't believe she is going to be 18! Man...I'm OLD!

Thursday we went to STORYLAND with Naissa's Kindergarten class. Jim and Isaac drove while I rode the bus with a herd of 5 year olds. I have to say though, that it was the quietest bus ride I've can ever remember being on. With the exception of getting on the freeway, and you can't blame them, their little bodies were slip 'n sliding across the seats as the bus tilted on it's way up the ramp....little squeals and giggles were heard....but as soon as the bus was back on all fours it was quiet again.
We saw a little play, rode the train and played on all the nursery rhymes! It went by quickly and we were back on the bus...quiet as little mice. The great thing was that as soon as we were back at the school it was time to go home for a three day weekend!


Of course we still had parent teacher conferences to go to but that meant that we were FREE on Friday! Zack ran in his last Cross Country meet of the season! I'm so proud of him. I personally don't understand the point of Cross Country but to each his own.

My mom got Isaac this BATMAN mask/cape thing from San Fransisco! He wears it low and it it reminds me of the executioners in the movies, you know the ones who wear the hoods and carry a big axe and cut the peoples heads off...Isaac put a blue sock on his duck's head and carried him around by the neck! Made me laugh!!

Naissa Loves Jesus

This was February 2006 :)

This blog is dedicated to my darling dramatic Jade!

Apparently my daughter Jade is feeling a bit left out...thinking I only write about her sister, "Pure Joy". So here are a few of her own embarrassing and "Whatever" pictures....just so she won't feel like I favor one child over the other! love you Jade!

When you want to know where Jade is...you look for a book. She never goes anywhere with out one (or two). She loves Elsie Dinsmore. She has even pretended to have to "go" on many occasions so that she can read one of the books she has stashed in the bathroom!

This one is for the "embarrassing" category!

Crazy hair day at school...tin foil shapes and Zack's hair is light purple!

This is either right before or right after Jade has rolled her eyes at me or her dad! WHATEVER!!

Jade wearing mom's clothes from like 1990! (yes, I used to fit in those clothes!)

And lastly....one of Jade's messes! This is only one angle...I couldn't get in the room to take it from the other side and get the worst part of it in the picture!

MT. KISSMORE

This is for you Jimmy! Sorry to hear your stupid Yankee owners are being such BUTTS!

RED Dishes

So a little while back, Jim's mom said she wanted to give us her RED dishes, because we wanted to have a RED kitchen. We laughed as she said she had two sets of creamers....but it must not of sank in....Jim brought the boxes in the house and one by one we unwrapped the plates and bowls and mugs....it seemed like we were unwrapping forever! LOL! I was surprised when I saw all the dishes together! There are 12 place settings...3 really big bowls and another really big deep bowl as well as a big platter, dinner plates, salad plates, small bowls, smaller bowls and even smaller bowls on a plate like thing, 2 sets of creamers and mugs!! We can feed 12!! As you can tell, I have no idea what these dishes are officially called or used for.....and after seeing them all I never thought we'd use them all unless we had a small party, but we have and it's been great! I know it may seem a small insignificant thing to most but we've been eating on mismatched Tupperware and IKEA kid plates for so long....they all have knife marks and melted parts! You never knew if your "instant" burrito was going to come out ready to eat or just melted into the plate! We use the RED dishes all the time now....this morning we had hot cereal...last night some kinda of pasta al la jim and when it was really cold yesterday morning we made hot chocolate and all of us got to use "Big People" mugs! So if you read this...Thank You Cathy for the RED dishes! :)

The Doll

Naissa just informed me as I uploaded this picture, "Last time I put her in the toilet".

My Sanger Grandma (yes, she lived in Sanger) one day had her head down and her whole body was shaking....worried that something might be wrong we all bombarded her with questions of "Are you okay?" and "What's wrong grandma?" only to have her gather her composure and reply, "That there is the ugliest doll I ever done seen!" and that's when we realized she was laughing....so hard that her entire body had joined in!

This was a doll that my grandpa (yes, Sanger Grandpa) had found one day in the street. My grandpa died in 1977 and this doll was STILL in the Barbie case with all the other glamorous dolls some 22 years later! Why did we keep her? It sure wasn't for her looks. But every Sunday for years and years she would get dressed up in home-made clothes my grandma had made, (though they didn't fit her very well, probably because she was "Big Boned") we would play with her alongside of Midge, Farrah Faucet (sp?), Marie Osmund, the Charlie's Angels, Old School Ken (who was huge and only had an army hat and a green corduroy homemade coat, made for Barbie), and the Sunshine Family.

Years and years of memories of dressing Barbies with Aunt Hope and Grandma. That's probably the REAL reason this doll was around for so long. Memories. We remembered that it was my grandpa who found her...in the street...and since he was gone, we cherished the memory even more. When grandma died....that doll was the first thing I thought of when asked what I wanted!

Last year my husband Jim told me to just take a picture of her and let her go. So I did. This is her picture. But sometimes I'd really like to have that ugly doll back. Memories. Good Memories.