It's 10 o'clock do you know you're child's not asleep?

So, a couple nights ago when the kids had been in bed for almost 2 hours, I went in to turn the lights out. This is how I found Naissa...

gotta get out of the house

never ending laundry

bottomless sink of dishes

empty refrigerator

half done projects

dust an inch thick (ok, I might be exaggerating a little)

too much stuff too little space

tired of picking up the same things

day in and day out

so tonight...I took my youngest son to Fresno State to watch the marching bands from around the valley compete

we shared nachos and some skittles

watched big sister play in the pit at BHS

watched uncle eric's new drumline at CEHS

enjoyed Fresno State's band the most

crowd cheering...more like screaming, clapping and dancing

great show

Isaac calls them the "clapping band"

left before awards

tired

great time with my son

we may have another little drummer

:)

I hate math!

I never liked math. I liked it even less when I was in college. My brain is wired differently. Don't ask how many times it took me to pass Algebra 2! It's not like I can't add or figure out the sales tax or anything but a lot of the math I "HAD" to learn in school, I've never used! (kinda like most of school) Everybody knows....if you don't use it, you lose it! So I am now being tortured by my 7th grade daughter's pre-algebra! It makes her cry. It makes me want to cry. My almost 18 year old daughter just got an A in Calculus...I'm not even sure how to spell it, more or less do any of it! I should pay her to help Jade. Sometimes sisters aren't the best tutors, but they are doing better than they ever have...so....maybe?

Soaring and Buzzing

Yesterday we were driving out to my parents house when Jade said, "Mom look at the Hawks!" I expected to see one or two hawks soaring high above the field, not too close to really see them. BUT instead I was surprised, as we turned the corner and I looked out the window there in the sky were probably 25-30 hawks soaring together. They looked like vultures when there has been a kill...swarming the skies...waiting to devour their latest meal. But these weren't vultures, these were Hawks and they weren't after anything that we could figure, they were just flying circles and soaring as they slowly moved across the sky. It was amazing! I wish I had a camera that could have captured even a glimpse of the spectacular sight!

This evening we experienced yet another mass of flying creatures...that had all landed on the ceiling in our family room. Though they were not magnificent hawks...they were annoying little flies! We tried swatting at them but the ceiling was too high. So Jim taped the hose of his vacuum to the broom and stretched it up to the ceiling to try to suck up the nasty boogers. It worked some, but mostly the stinkin' flies saw him coming and flew 2 feet away just out of his reach. Some were easily trapped and killed in the bathroom and a few were daring enough to follow us into the bedroom...yes...they are now DEAD! Those that remain will never get out alive! I don't know why they have to buzz in my ears...if they would just land somewhere away from me I might grant them a second chance BUT NO, the annoying bugs keep flying and buzzing in my face!

I am reminded of that little poem about Noah....

"If Noah had been truly wise
He would have swatted those two flies!"

Women of Faith

I went to the Women of Faith Conference in San Jose with my mom this last weekend. It was a much needed time away for me. I have been so stressed the past couple of months with all the changes our family has gone through. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing time away with my mom and 14,000 other women. We stayed in a hotel not too far from the Arena. It had free breakfast which made up for the $30 we paid for parking at the Arena.
We went hiking….up the gazillion stairs to the top where our seats were (because we waited so long to get our tickets). We were so high up, that even though I’m not really afraid of heights, my body still thought it was nauseating to lean forward as I put my water down on the floor. As I stood back up I became anxiously aware of the fact that too much weight leaning the wrong way…and I could end up in the front row on some poor lady’s lap!
I chose to worship sitting down, mostly.

Because my mom and I have been going to these conferences for several years now, I look forward to each of the speakers sharing their latest stories and messages as if we were old friends sitting around a kitchen table drinking hot chocolate, laughing and crying and sharing things that matter. These women are very dear to my heart. Each one always touches something deep inside of me, as they share of themselves and their life experiences. Pasty shares about her agoraphobia and I can relate. She understands the fear and how it steals the joy right out from under you. She knows that when you’re afraid, you don’t know what you enjoy because you can’t think past your fear. She understands that you miss out on things, because you are afraid. But she has lived through it and made it and she knows that just outside your fear is LIBERTY! Patsy encouraged us to “LIVE LIVELY”.
Nicole is a wonderful dramatist. She opened up by telling us how, “Men look at what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Women look at what’s in the bed and go to the fridge”! Too funny! Nicole shared her insights about Mary and Martha. One of the things that caught my attention was when she said that you can be so busy comparing and controlling, you might not recognize the best when it’s sitting in front of your face. For me, this plays right in to the fear that Patsy talked about. Nicole does 3 different dramatizations through-out the conference. She also talked about cutting and later about Judas’ kiss and betrayal. They are always really good and make you think beyond the surface.

Sheila’s son Christian and my daughter Jade are about the same age so it has been fun to hear the stories of him growing up. She has such passion for the Lord and for all of us women. Sheila sang “Somewhere over the Rainbow” and it was incredible. And she sang it incredibly with laryngitis. She then talked about how God has a dream for your life. God’s dream is so much more different than the American dream. God’s dream is that we would be FREE! Freedom is not the absence of bars, it’s the presence of Christ. Freedom is inside and it’s not dependent on our circumstances. Gee, nothing for me to learn from her! lol!

Anita Renfroe was there again and hilarious as ever. She performed her recent song, “Total Momsense” as well as “You Lift Me Up” and “Don’t Breathe” Extremely Funny! She shared the message that it is OK to play in His (God’s) presence. She reminded me that Joy will return…just like it says in the Bible…Joy comes in the morning.

Carol Kent was new to me. Her son is currently serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole, for the murder of his wife’s ex. Not an easy thing to accept…that your only child will never be able to come home for Christmas or go to a football game or the beach or the movies or church with you…ever! But there is proof that God does not abandon us and that He can use anyone…anywhere. Her son is now sharing Christ with others in the prison. Goes back to what Sheila said about Freedom not being the absence of bars, but the presence of Christ.

Sandi Patty sang several of the old hymns but all spiced up with her incredible voice! WOW! She has a powerful voice! A Mighty Fortress is Our God and How Great Thou Art! Amazing! One of the things I took away from her was…”When you get yourself in a bind and you’re gonna fall one way or another…if you fall backwards away from God, you’re gonna get hurt. If you fall forward, He (God) will be there to catch you in His arms of grace.”

Marilyn talked about closure. She shared stories about her husband Ken, who passed away, and of her daughter who was born with spina bifida and died. Though I have not experienced those two things, what she shared hit a deep cord with me, as I have experienced other things that have generated similar feelings and longings. She spoke the words that I have whispered for so long...

I can’t do this
The pain is overwhelming
My emotions will devour me
I will suffocate
Back away
Close up
Act as though everything is fine, even though shattered inside
Become like the dead sea, no outlet, dead
Finally
Release some toxins through my tears

Patsy shared...If you want to fully experience GOD then you must fully experience life.
In order to heal it you must feel it

It’s like the old song, “Going on a Bear Hunt”
You can’t go over it
You can’t go under it
You can’t go around it
You gotta go THROUGH it

Psalm 23:4a
Even when I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil….
The word “through” suggests a beginning, a middle and an end.
So it won't last forever, right?

Nicole C. Mullen performed. Another great voice! I think I’ll have Jim download her song “Freedom” for me. She brought some kids (ages like 10-15) to dance on stage with her. One of them was her daughter and another was her nephew Andrew. Andrew was the Oscar Meyer Weiner kid several years ago. He got up there and sang the Oscar Meyer Weiner song for us! He also had an incredible voice!

Luci wrapped up the conference sharing funny stories and encouraging us to just “show up” and God will do the rest. I love Luci because she is so REAL, so genuine, so down to earth. She’s not afraid to tell you that she gets “sick of the whole bloomin’ world” or that someone ticked her off. She said her favorite two word prayer is “Change Them”. She is FREE to be who she is……I love that! Luci said that Freedom starts in your heart and mind and then manifests itself in how we live. So I guess I need to start thinking like I’m FREE….Think and it will become eh?

It’s Monday and I wish I was back with those women. Not avoiding reality but just taking a break from it. It amazes me how there was a message for me from each of the women that spoke or sang, even from the ones I didn’t think I’d get anything from. Now to apply those things learned to my life…to just show up and let God do His thing.

I'm sure I will think of more but for now I will end with my return home...It was just after 11pm, the kids were all sleeping on the floor in the front room with Gidget playing in the background. I talked with Jim for a little while and fell asleep. In the early hours of the morning I heard the sweet voice of my son Isaac..."I pee'd". "What?" I asked. "I pee'd" he said with such a sad voice. I thought, he's in a diaper...maybe he's leaking...why else would he wake up upset over pee if he was wearing an absorbent diaper? Well, leaking was an understatement! Apparently he had changed into his swimsuit and pee'd all over the sleeping mat. Zack was sleeping next to him and rolled over into a puddle of pee. So I woke Jim up to deal with that and I cuddled a cold little boy, who was coughing like a barking seal. Poor little guy! So poor he got to sleep in mom and dad's bed! As much as I need a break, it sure is great to be home with my husband and kids!

Halloween

Tonight Zack informed us, "I wanna be a Kissing Booth this year for Halloween".
Jim says he's just like his Uncle Richie!

Emergency haircuts and powdered sugar

A couple days ago Naissa and Isaac took it upon themselves to give Isaac a one sided mullet! Since we were basically home for the weekend I put off taking him to get it fixed until today. Zack also needed a hair cut so he could go to school. (Last week he was warned that he needed to cut his hair because it was covering his ears and touching his collar!) So I sent my husband and two boys to get their hair cut, with instructions NOT to touch the bangs or the curls in the back. When they got home, Isaac looked worse! They cut one side up and around his ear but didn't cut the other side the same! And the curls in the back were cut as well...unevenly! Zack's hair didn't look much better either. It was cut a bit shorter but there are still several hairs that cover his ears and hang in his eyes. I could just scream! It's like when you go through the drive thru and order your food, only to get all the way home and find you're missing food and the food you got is wrong! Do you drive all the way back and demand they fix it?

We chose to call in a family friend for an emergency haircut! Sonna recently had major surgery but didn't hesitate in telling us to come on over right then and there! So my husband jumped back into the car and drove Isaac to her house! She immediately went straight to work, to correct my poor little boy's awful haircut! She did great! Especially with what she had to work with! lol! He lost his long hair but he has two years to let it grow before Clovis Unified gets him! He came home happy, saying he liked his hair, plus he got snacks! God Bless Sonna!

While we were fussing about the hair, Naissa helped herself to the powdered sugar! She came into the room with it on her face and dress but tried to convince us she didn't know what we were talking about. As we all went into the kitchen, holding our breath, she said, "Ok, Ok, I did it! I'm really sorry!" Thankfully most of the mess was right there on the table. The boys thought it was fun to play in. Here are a few pictures...(sorry about Isaac's finger...that's the finger he points with too!)

So can you tell he got his hair cut off? Oh, and that's a bruise under his eye from the swing, not dirt! :)

Giving Tree and rambling about "stuff"

So I'm reading over the Spartan newsletter (our elementary school) when I came across a little blurb about the "Giving Tree". I thought to myself, "Oh cool, maybe we can give something...that was a good book..." I read on to see what they would be collecting...money...coats....new toys all wrapped up...surely we could give something. What I read was a reality check for me. Our school was not going to be collecting to GIVE. They would be filling out forms to RECEIVE. Apparently another local elementary school "adopts" our school during the Christmas season and they provide gifts to all the children attending the school as well as their siblings.



Now, I don't plan on filling out a form. It's just that I am not usually on the receiving end, other than with our parents. It has been a real eye opener for us this past 2 months as we've moved into our first home and Jim has lost his job. We are literally living day by day. I have no idea how our bills are going to be paid or our mortgage for that matter. Jim is doing some side jobs but it's not a full time job with benefits.



In a strange way I am experiencing a sense of Freedom because there are some things that we simply cannot do. For instance...a man came to the door selling magazines, normally we would be suckered into buying one because we can't say no, or we are trying not to be rude or whatever. But now, it's just plain and simple....We have NO money, sorry, can't help ya, good luck at the next house, buh-bye! Some things aren't as pleasant like telling a kid they can't do something their friends are doing because we can't afford it. But there is also a relief, I don't have to buy some kid I've never met a present or waste my gas driving to some bounce house place 20 miles away. I'm probably not explaining this how I really mean it. So I'll just say that it has been nice to not feel guilty about not doing everything, buying everything, etc... there's no pretending or making up excuses. It is what it is and I can be myself. Such Freedom!! (breathe in deep, exhale and the shoulders relax)



I've also been cleaning out our stuff. I've been letting go of A LOT! Today I went through our gazillion containers of toys. Not only did I let go of some "good" toys, I also let go of my perfectionism. No longer is each type of toy in it's own container. I didn't even count to make sure all the pieces to things were there. I even got rid of some playsets....but kept a few pieces! (i.e. we got rid of a pirate ship but kept the pirates) I let go of stuff that I've had since I was a kid...classic stuff...remember when weebles were like an inch or so big? Now they are like 3 inches! Did you have one of these?

I have been hanging on to things, because I know as soon as I let them go I'm gonna need 'em and I sure as heck don't want to spend money on something I already had! BUT I am on the road to Freedom! I am letting go! It helps when the kids have broken, chewed on or destroyed the stuff too...like the items in this picture. It's hard to tell, but, part of Leonardo's bandanna has been chewed off, the Hunchback of Notre Dame view master disc is shaped like a taco, Capt. Hook has lost part of his sword, the shark's tail fin has been chewed off, the knight's sword has been chewed off, Little John is holding a key...that has been chewed up, Tinkerbell's feet have been chewed off, Peter Pan's sword is chewed up and yet another Jerome Bettus has been injured in our home. Poor Jerome has lost a leg!

These are only a few items found in a miscellaneous box this afternoon, I can't imagine how many more toys have been sacrificed to the great tooth god in my son's mouth. ho-hum. Guess it's time to say Buh-Bye to these toys.

I gotta go to bed, church starts in like 6 hours!

Pics

Isaac trying out the skate ramp with his Little Tikes Scooter!

Free Transportation to school!

Zack running Cross Country

The poor-man's Marimba!

SNL Enjoy the Ozz

Relient K -

Only You LORD

I expected her call today, but the phone never rang. It was her idea in the first place. It was her who made the plan. But the phone never rang. I could have called her, but I couldn't face the rejection. Something could've come up....

BITTERNESS sets in, eating away at the HOPE.

How long Oh LORD have I waited? Must my heart ache forever?

Only You Lord.

Only You can bring Peace to my tormented mind.
Only You can bring Comfort to my anguished soul.
Only You can bring Joy to my wretched lips.

But will You?

ZEKE

just some ramblings

My dad came over today. He hung out for several hours. He helped put together the playhouse, moved some dirt, helped put up the swing set...mostly sat and talked. Just spent time with us. He's a different dad than years before. Relationship raised from the dead, better than ever expected.

Women of Faith Conference in San Jose is next week. I love these women. My mom and I have been going for so many years it feels like we know each of them. Lucy. Marilyn. Thelma. Patsy. Sheila. Nicole. Barbara, who died this last July. In fact, I'm met some of them in person and they've shared so many personal stories at the conferences and I've read their books and get their e-mails....I do know them more than I know most of my extended family and most of my friends.
With family and friends you can see each other for months, even years, and only know their favorite football team, the names of their kids and whether they like turkey or not...just the facts....but do you really know them?
It's good to have some relationships that stay on the surface. The ones that you can talk about the latest TV show or gripe about being too busy, or where you ate out last week etc... but it's really good to have someone...a few someones...that you can go deeper with. Talk about your fears. Your struggles. Your joys. Share what God is doing in your life...or your struggle to believe.
Someone who will really listen, give you their last Kleenex and their shoulder, and who will not just try to "fix it".
Someone who, though they may not of experienced the same thing will still try to understand your feelings...and not tell you how you should be feeling.
Someone who will speak the truth in love...no matter how difficult...a friend to lift you up with encouraging words. Pray for you. Call you, because they know you and how hard it is for you to pick up the phone and call them when you need them(whether it makes sense or not).
Someone that you can return all these things to when they need them.
Others seem to find these friends easier than I do. I've not had much "luck".
A friend for a season, but not a best friend for life. I guess that's because Jesus wants that position. I've taken that relationship for granted. HE is always there and HE understands and HE has the power to help.
But will HE? That is my hang up. God can....But will HE choose to?

GO STEELERS!!

GO

STEELERS!!